Relationship Tips: 16 Practical Dramatic Ways to Know if He/She is REALLY Changing

Every relationship hits a snag, or worse, a major crisis (such as infidelity), that demands significant change if the relationship is to survive.

So...there are promises to change and the two of you embark upon a new path. You watch carefully.

"Can I trust this change? Is it permanent? temporary? How long will it last? Is he/she REALLY changing?"

Good questions. Here are 16 ways to know if the change is going to last:

1. You notice opposite behaviors and nonverbal communication. Passivity becomes activity. Recklessness transforms into thoughtfulness. Aloofness turns into engagement.

2. You find yourself surprised. "Hmmmm, this hasn't happened before, but is really nice! I wonder where this came from? But, I will take it!"

3. He/she expresses more curiosity about you, about him/her self and others. He/she observes more closely what happens in relationships, without criticism or defensiveness.

4. You feel that somehow there has been a shifting of gears. There is a different rhythm or flow in the relationship. Much less effort. Much less tension.

5. You find yourself noticing how differently he/she talks. The words seem different. The emotional tone of the words seem different.

6. The negative times, where you felt very stuck, helpless and hopeless, are less intense, happen less often and you seem to have more effective ways to move out of those times more quickly.

7. Your gut (intuition) tells you that this is ok. You begin to trust that part of you more implicitly. A part of you is clapping and cheering inside!

8. He/she seems to have more direction and purpose. Less drifting. He/she seems to be driven more by internal desires and wishes rather than reacting to people or external circumstances. He/she takes up interesting hobbies or finds more enthusiasm for career.

9. The changes seem to be more consistent and carry over for a longer period of time. More stability. Fewer swings. You seem more consistently on the right path.

10. More concern is expressed for family, children and close friends.

11. Words such as: "I promise. I'll try. Or, I'm going to..." are NOT in his/her vocabulary.

12. Moments of effusive crying, tear letting and chest beating are gone. Apologies are past and there is a sense of working right here right now to create what we want down the line.

13. You hear no blaming of others. He/she does NOT make others responsible for his/her actions. You sense that he/she is intent upon responsibly creating his/her world.

14. There is good eye contact.

15. He/she is taking great steps toward self care both physically, emotionally and spiritually. He/she can state what he/she needs and negotiate with you to get those needs met. At the same time, your personal needs are considered.

16. You worry much less about what will happen next.

About the Author:
Dr. Robert Huizenga, The Infidelity Coach, has helped hundreds of couples over the past two decades heal from the agony of extramarital affairs and survive infidelity. Visit his website at: http://www.break-free-from-the-affair.com
Article Submitted On: June 10, 2005
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/

Honesty: The Key to a Good Relationship?

A coaching client recently told me, "I'm convinced if two people are totally honest, they can be married." As a dating coach for midlifers, I hear from a lot of folks who are dating. I also stay current with the dating scene on the Internet, and read the profiles people write. Men often say that "honesty" is crucial for a relationship, while women rarely do. Let's take a look at this.

First I'm going to speculate as to why men say this and women don't, and then I want to talk about the place of honesty in a relationship.

As we know from research, and such books as "If Men Could Talk: Unlocking the Secret Language of Men," (that is url), by Alon Gratch, Ph.D., men, as a rule, have more trouble verbalizing emotions, something most of us would also agree is crucial to an intimate relationship. Not that we need to talk about emotions all the time, but that it's necessary to know what you feel and to be able to communicate it when necessary. It becomes particularly important when the relationship meets an impasse. You need to what the problem really is. Are you picking on her about her outfit because you haven't had sex in 4 days? Are you accusing him of ignoring you all the time, when really he does a fair job most of the time, but tonight you're hungry and tired?

According to Emotional Intelligence research, men and women test the same overall, but men, on average, are not as empathic as women (Reuven BarOn). Simon-Baron, Cambridge professor of psychology and psychiatry agrees. His thesis in "The Essential Difference: The Truth About the Male and Female Brain," (that is url) is: "The female brain is predominantly hard-wired for empathy. The male brain is predominantly hard-wired for understanding and building systems."

Of course the "average" man, statistically speaking, is not necessarily the individual sitting in front of you. But where there's smoke there's fire.

So why the male emphasis on "honesty"? And are they referring to honesty about thoughts, feelings, facts, or what? If what we're being honest about is "the truth," how we feel is indisputable, and many facts are, but the truth of any given situation is relative, most of us would agree, or our relationships would not become the imbroglios they do.

"Mr. and Mrs. Smith does a great job or portraying marriage, and beings with him saying they've been married 5 years, and her saying "6". If there's an absolute truth ("reality"), it's of little use in human relations.

Men engage more in what's called "selective remembering."
He remembers the games he won, not the games he lost. He remembers when to change the oil in the car, but not his girl-friend's birthday. Selective listening may be part of it. He hears that the prime rate has gone down, but not that you'd like more time with him. I couldn't help wonder if this client would hear "honesty" if it were given.

"Honesty", I think, is a systems-word. Women, in their profiles, are more likely to focus on behaviors. "No philanderers," they say, and "no addicts." You see the difference . if he's unfaithful and honest about it, they're still not interested. Doh.

Women use language to connect, and are more hard-wired for emotion. They enjoy experiencing it and talking about it, while men consider emotions a call to discharge by action. They are not as likely to use a verbal strategy to deal with a feeling.

Women have a larger corpus callosum, so it's easier for us to talk about emotions. TALKING about a FEELING is multi-tasking, and one of the hardest things we ask our brains to do.

Women also say thousands more words a day than men do. Testosterone causes silence. Men talk about facts and want clarity and brevity. Women also, according to Reuven Bar-on, have a greater sense of social responsibility. Does this preclude honesty? When we meet for lunch, we greet each other as Nancy, and Kelly, and Meg. Men? Fatso, and Stupid and Loser. Are men being more "honest"? If so, are they being less socially responsible, i.e., not caring if they hurt the other guy's feelings? I can't imagine a man's feelings being hurt by that, yet no woman would greet another woman with Big Butt, Drama Queen, or Boobless Wonder, though they might think it.

Would being 100% honest insure the survival of a relationship? No. The person might be "honest" about the fact that they could not live with you any more and were filing for divorce. Do men say this because they're attempting to systemize, with rules? Or because they've found women to be "dishonest"?

I've heard more than one man say, "I don't know why she left me. I thought we had a perfect marriage. (Women divorce men more often than vice versa.) Variations include, "She was deceptive. I didn't know anything was wrong," and "She told me why she was leaving, but it doesn't make any sense." A plea for "honesty" might be a plea for comprehensibility.

A female client told me she told her man, "I love but, you I don't like you right now." He said she was being dishonest, "because you can't be both at once". It didn't fit his system or either/or. Honesty, I think, or the reporting of it, requires clear, logical thinking. Who's clear and logical when fighting with a lover? Or listening to one?

If you're a man, are you listening, as in hearing? This means hearing the feelings, not assessing the facts. If you're a woman, are you being clear? Women tend to know sooner when a relationship is headed for trouble and attempt to address it. If you're a man, are you hearing this as "being told what to do"?

I think this plea from men for honesty is a wish to be able to understand the woman they love (and themselves in the relationship). They want facts and clarity. However, to understand others, you must first understand yourself, and this means feelings. Honesty, alas, begins at home.

As a concept that I believe is both unachievable and potentially destructive, I tend to agree with Graham Greene: "The truth has never been of any real value to any human being - it is a symbol for mathematicians and philosophers to pursue. In human relations, kindness and lies are worth a thousands truths." It is nearly impossible for me to outright lie, about either a fact or a feeling, but I will at times do what the Arabs propose: "It is good to know the truth, but it is better to speak of palm trees." Discretion is the better part of valor.

There's something else to consider about being honest: Whether it's true or not, it's true. As John Lilly said, "In the province of the mind, what one believes to be true either is true or becomes true."

Now, what about total honesty between two people?
Kindness may be of more value. Honesty should not be used as the weapon it can be. One of the cruelest things we can do is to use an intimate revelation against the person who said it. We know how to hurt the people we love. It's part of our obligation as a decent human beings not to do this. "Better a lie that heals than a truth that wounds," say the Czechs.

Should you be honest about your feelings? Yes . but. Let's say he wants sex and you don't. It's one thing to say, "I don't feel like it now. I had a terrible day at work," and even possible to say, "Not until you've taken a shower and put on some deodorant." But to say, "No, you're the worst lover I've ever had, and like you were saying about your ex-wife the other night ." That sort of "honesty" is inexcusable, and, if not true, soon will be.

There's no easy solution to this. I researched the world's proverbs on this subject we all struggle with. Most were in the vein of "Whoever tells the truth is chased out of nine villages." (African). The Corsicans stood out: "He who tells the truth will never be unhappy," they say. Maybe the answer lies in the Arab proverb: "When you shoot an arrow of truth, dip its point in honey."

An intimate relationship isn't a system, it's a dance, and the music is emotions. Developing your EQ is essential, so you can learn to know, manage and express your emotions better, and to practice the competency of forgiveness, which will always be needed.

Sometimes the most honest thing you can say is, "I don't know what to say now," and the most helpful thing you can say is, "I love you." And keep in mind, to paraphrase
Thomas Leonard, we're all doing our very best, even when clearly we're not.

Not what are you going to say, honestly, to your loved one when she says, "Does my butt look fat in these pants?" and when he says, "Am I a good lover?" You can always got to a feeing, and here are some:
I feel uncomfortable when you ask me that.
I'm wondering why you ask.
I love you.
Let's talk about what you're really wanting to know.

About the Author:
©Susan Dunn, MA, The EQ Coach, http://www.susandunn.cc . Coaching, Internet courses and ebooks around emotional intelligence for your personal and professional success. We coach and train EQ coaches internationally. Mailto:sdunn@susandunn.cc for information on this fast, affordable, comprehensive, no-residency program, arranged to fit your schedule. Coaching is the ideal profession. Email for FREE EQ ezine. Contact him at http://www.susandunn.cc

An Apple on Your Head. Relationship Physics

Attempts to describe the differences and similarities of men and women have been made by philosophers, church leaders, and day-time TV. All have failed. A failure to understand the relationship laws leads to separation and ultimately divorce.

Our ancestors lived in trees, we evolved. Sort of. After centuries of development men still tend to hunt and gather. Men still consider their role to be the provider, to bring home the clubbed furry thing for lunch. Do women still select their mate for his physical prowess? "Him big, make good hunter."

Women still tend to nurture and play their supportive role in our homes now on the ground and made of sticks and stone. It is women who have this unique ability to bear more hunters. It is women who still prepare the dead furry thing by combining it with organic matter plucked form the earth. Do men select their women based on physical child bearing attributes? "Big things, make good mother."

Anthropologists have offered indisputable scientific proof that men and women are different, and have evolved according to some kind of physical law, have evolved according to some cultural rule. They tell us men and women have behaved much the same since the beginning. So by now we should have it all figured out. Men and women should live in their cave and form a bond, based on their primitive need to please the other and to protect their symbiotic relationship.

If it were so, then how do we account for the divorce rate? How do we account for the thousands of unhappy marriages? Sir Isaac Newton, a 17th Century scientist, might explain it using his laws of physics.

1. "An object at rest tends to stay at rest and an object in motion tends to stay in motion with the same speed and in the same direction unless acted upon by an unbalanced force."

Soccer mom drives the SUV from field to field and will continue to do so unless she is interrupted by a stationary object called a tree. Cooking and cleaning mom tends to continue cooking and cleaning unless she has to rush aerobics class, or pick up the kids.

Working man tends to stay at work unless he is interrupted with a request to show up before the diner is cold, and bring home a loaf of bread. TV man tends to stay at rest unless the game is over and has to use the sandbox, or is out of beer, or both.

2. "The acceleration of an object as produced by a net force is directly proportional to the magnitude of the net force, in the same direction as the net force, and inversely proportional to the mass of the object."

Most people think of this as dropping bricks and feathers from tall buildings. It's really a reference to the relationship habits of man and woman. See, back in the 17th century, and anthropologists will agree, women were considered to be objects, and men the force.

If you read the 2nd law again it would be:

She moves faster to her mother or to her lover when he pushes her harder. Or, he pushes her by doing nothing at all, especially around the house on weekends when he claims that he needs to rest so he can continue to work and earn money so she can have the SUV to take the kids to soccer and ballet and swimming and rush home to cook and finish the laundry and be ready for sex when he is finished playing on the computer and gets an erection.

3. "For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction."

This simple writer firmly believes and affirms that Sir Isaac's third law explains just about every relationship thing between man and woman.

This physics law, this law of nature, this universal man-woman law, explains what is going to happen to him when he forgets her birthday. It also explains why she get's him exactly the right colour cover for his golf clubs, or the right size shirt with the button down collar that goes with his pants that she gave him last month.

The third law also explains why she reacts the way she does when he brings her flowers. Or phones her when he will be late. Or doesn't forget her birthday. Or takes her to dinner, or takes the kids to soccer so she can have a rest. Or gives her a hug. Or stops what he is doing, or not doing, and simply listens to her.

Or says, "I love you" and means it.

About the Author:
Colin Kennedy
The published author is a sailor and divorce consultant. You can find personal assistance and resources about divorce and separation at http://www.candivorce.ca
This article is free for republishing

7 Myths About Creating A Better Relationship

In my private practice for over 14 years no matter what my clients have come to see me about, there has always been an issue about a better relationship.

Here are 7 of the most common misconceptions my clients have related to me about having a better relationship. These misconceptions are followed by my perspective on each one of them.

Myth 1 I have to love everything about my partner.

Reality Check 1

You were born pure and pristine. You then learnt behaviors from your parents, teacher, coaches, church etc. (who did their best to teach you about a better relationship). These behaviors have become the backbone for your way of living and having a better relationship.

Perhaps a common behavior that irritates having a better relationship would be leaving the toilet seat up after use. This is merely a behavior and not the essence of the person. However, when you may consider this behavior to be the person, this destroys the concept of a better relationship, creating all kinds of conflict in your need for a better relationship.

Myth 2 Love means that I can fix your partner.

Reality Check 2

You met your partner because of some special quality or charteristic that you admired. You need to accept and allow that quality to flourish in order to allow you and your partner to grow into a better relationship.

You may be unaware that you do not even like yourself. Yet by allowing your partner to grow and expand, you will experience the quality of your partner and the beauty within you, as you begin to enjoy a better relationship.

Myth 3

I am supposed to give up the things I like in order to be in a better relationship.

Reality Check 3

Giving up the things you like to be in a better relationship is like take a knife and cutting away a part of yourself.

Your better relationship is based on the uniqueness of you and your partner.

When you give up your uniqueness you rob yourself of a better relationship, your passion and your partner of your creativity.

Myth 4 I will be rescued by a knight in shining armour.

Reality Check 4

You may have been conditioned to live your life expecting someone to take care of you. What happens if that person becomes ill? and is no longer able to take care of you.

Your responsibility in creating a better relationship, is to bring your passion to the table of your relationship. Some days you will be the knight in shining armour and another day your partner will be the knight in shining armour of a better relationship.

You will each get a chance to shine like star in a better relationship because of your strengths and weaknesses.

Myth 5 It cost a lot to be in a relationship.

Reality Check 5

In a material context, a better relationship can be expensive if you think that love is based on the bigger house, car or boat. Although some of these material assets are necessary, they should not be at the expense of creating a better relationship.

Love is creating a better relationship by building a relationship that is based on the simple things in life, like walking and holding hands, going on a picnic (just the two of you), or sharing an ice cream.

Love in a better relationship is not about what you show on the outside but what you express in you heart. Love is not about money or materialism, love just is.

Myth 6 Love in a relationship is or is not a feeling.

Reality Check 6

It is not what you say, it is what you do. You can say, "I love you" which may be merely words and no feelings (action). Love is the action of doing.

If you make a cup of tea for yourself, (the water is boiled), make a cup of tea for your partner. Whether your partner wants the tea or not is irrelevant, it is the thought that counts and the action that cements a better relationship.

Myth 7 I don't have to work at my relationship.

Reality Check 7

As a child, you learned to creep before you walked. Then you learned the letters of the alphabet. In order to write, you had to learn how to put those letters together to make words and sentences.

These sentences then become the way in which you communicated.

When you and your partner stop communicating after learning how to use the letters of the alphabet in sentences, it's like 2 tape recorders talking to each other - Nobody is at home to enjoy a better relationship.

In summary:

1. Your partner's behavior in a better relationship is not your partner's true essence.

2. There is no need to have a clone of yourself. A better relationship requires some variety.

3. Giving up of your uniqueness to be in a better relationship is like throwing out the baby with the bath water.

4. In a better relationship there are no superior partners, just equal partners.

5. Love in creating a better relationship is not about money and the material assets (although there are important) but the simple things in life.

6. Love in a better relationship is active not passive.

7. Lack of communication crushes your desire for a better relationship.

About the Author:
Cecil McIntosh provides Relaxation Resources, that will turbo charge your health, business and wealth. To receive your free 7 day Relaxation course. visit this site now: http://www.emptyyourcup.com
Article Source: www.iSnare.com

Top 10 Ideas To Revive a Fizzling Relationship

Love is exciting, and when a relationship is new, almost everything you do together is fresh and alive, and keeps you enthralled. Then time begins to pass, and while the love is still there, the relationship may have lost some of its sparkle, whether it's because you now have a family or not. Here are some of the top 10 ideas to revive a fizzling relationship that might just put some of the bubble back into the champagne of your life.

1. Do something unexpected. Send your partner flowers at work. That applies to men, too! Or take them out for dinner on a weeknight.

2. What lit your fire to start with? Strike the match again, by duplicating that initial moment you fell in love with your partner, and be sure to tell them why you've created this just for them.

3. Communicate. If you find it hard to say things, try surprising your better half with notes in their lunch, on their pillow, in the car, etc. Often the written word opens other doors.

4. Make time just for you. And don't break the date! Book babysitters ahead or clear your work calendar so there is nobody on it but the other person.

5. Get out of the rut!-literally. Take your partner somewhere new, and alone. Even if it's just a cabin on the lake. Rediscover each other all over.

6. Find something you like about your partner, every day. Then tell them what it is.

7. Find a shared interest. Explore new hobbies, sports, or other interests that you both like, and can participate in together.

8. Accept your partner's faults. Then admit your own. Make an effort not to keep repeating them out of laziness or habit.

9. Get physical. Touch your partner. In compassion, sympathy, friendship, and sexual attraction. Let them know that you are there.

10. Make promises, and keep them. Slip a note into their wallet or purse that says what is being served for dinner tonight, and promise that dessert will be worth waiting for!

About the Author:
Micheline Stansfield
Micheline says, if you're still in love, there is always hope. Visit More Romance in Your Life for 37 more tips to revive your love life.
Article Submitted On: July 16, 2005
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/

"Relationships-- the Secret to Your Professional and Personal Success"

The Hungry

In May of 2005 there were over 2 million searches made on the internet in reference to relationships. Over 49,000 searches have taken place on the net in one month for relationship advice. Almost 4000 of them were searching for help with a healthy relationship.

Over 38,000 were looking for a relationship on line because they were not getting it in their realm of life. This is all in one month. I could go on with the list.

The point is when over 2 million people search in one month's time for relationships we know that most people are not finding the fulfillment in their present relationships.

This unhappiness in relationships will definitely carry over on the job. If you are responsible for others in a home business or at the office, it is to your advantage to provide a means for them to learn how to develop healthy Relationships. If people are unfulfilled and unhappy that carries over in the quality of their work.

Getting the most for your money and time will include providing an environment for everyone to learn relationships skills. Relationship skills just happens to be a life skill that you take every where you go, whether it be at the office or home. Therefore, you are doing everyone a favor when you provide relationship training to your down line.

The Satisfied

There are 3 areas that satisfy the longing for meaningful relationships. Those who are healthy and fulfilled are those who have been enjoying relationships in all 3 areas.

The first is you. This is not some kind of psycho-babble talk, this is a plain fact. If you have insecurities, fears, deep imbedded scars that you have deliberately buried you are not being honest with who you are. Further, no matter what your back ground is you have one of the 4 personality types, a home based language, and a personal language that enables you to receive love your way.

If you do not know these basic human concepts you really don't even understand who you are, let alone others. Most people do not know their home based language, nor their “love language.” A larger margin of folks will know about the 4 personality types, but many of them will admit that they don’t which one is their type.

The second is others. Success demands building relationships that are strong, vibrant, healthy, and fulfilling with others. Granted not every relationship will take on the same meaning, but healthy relationships have a sparkle about them, regardless if it is on the professional level or personal.

The “Right Knowledge” enhances your personal growth and provides lasting relationships! Having a healthy relationship is not easy, but it is worth the effort. There is a very unique principle to follow in order to find meaningful and fulfilling relationships.

The Ancient writers new of the principle, but for the last couple of generations, at least, it seems that this principle was buried and forgotten. However, it is being uncovered and taught once again. This wisdom is bringing joy back into lives many.

The third is God. You are designed to have a relationship with God. This is your personal responsibility. Many neglect this relationship or leave it up to others to develop for them, which is absurd. Others can not develop a relationship with God for you. You must pursue this as any other relationship.

The Results

An atmosphere were people are having healthy relationships and are growing will, perhaps, exceed all expectations in regards to the joy and productivity of the staff or family members.

You just can not imagine the inner peace and security that is derived from vibrant relationships.

Is it possible to develop such relationships? Yes, if you know what principles to follow. If you learn how to use the principles, certainly it is possible. Just ask someone who is no longer hungry. She will tell you that you can be satisfied.

Besides it is a must for true success!

About the Author
Dr. John Neyman Jr has been teaching every week for the last 21 years. He is the Founder of www.relationshipexcel.com Dr. John writes weekly for his local newspaper and weekly tips for healthy relationships. Email him at: john@leaderssuccess.com Or if you have a particular question you can ask it at: www.askdoctorjohn.com
Contact him at http://www.johnneyman.com
Copyright 2005 John Neyman Jr

How To Stop The Fighting In Your Relationship

For some couples fighting is the fire that keeps their relationships alive. It lets them know the other cares. Many are determined to win a battle that never seems to be over. In addition, they try to right the wrongs they have experienced in the past with someone new. Unfortunately, this kind of behavior is doomed to failure. When we bring baggage from a former relationship into the present, all new relationships simply become a continuation of the past.

What People Get Out of Fighting

It is important to understand why couples (who are now parted) keep fighting. For some fighting is a fire that keeps their relationships alive. It lets them know the other cares, things aren’t really over, and sparks still fly between them. Although consciously, they do not want to be together, fighting can keep these couples bonded, causing them to think about each other a great deal, determined to win the power struggle.. Many couples keep these power struggles going long after they have parted.

For them it is a way to keep the relationship from ending, (even though they may be divorced, or living apart). Anger escalates and fighting can easily become a habit, something we fall into automatically and instinctively. This habit can be hard to get out of, and soon we find ourselves fighting not only with our ex partner, but with children, friends and new relationships.

Needless to say, fighting prevents real communication from developing. It is a way of threatening or blaming the other. Rather than really addressing issues, it causes a situation to remain stuck. Without a good fight, a relationship is over,” says Mary, a twenty six year old administrative assistant. “The lights have gone off between us. It’s a sign my partner no longer cares.”

Mary, who was recently divorced and is now in another choppy relationship feels that eventually she’ll marry a man with whom she can fight - and survive the storms. “ I respect a guy who I can fight with, who can take me as I am.”

For Mary being angry, fighting and winning has became her identity. Without it, she no longer knows who she truly is. She does not see price she is paying for this kind of relationship or what toll it takes on all concerned.

Unfortunately, the anger many individuals live with on a daily basis can become crystallized into their identity. Once this identity becomes habitual, the individuals soon have no idea who they would be without it. Needless to say, this blocks out much of the happiness, flexibility, communication and intimacy they desire.

“I’m not letting her walk all over me,” Roger would balk whenever his ex wife expressed her needs to him now, or brought up any issue. Rather than listening to what she had to say, he immediately took it as criticism. “She’s trying to tell me I’m inadequate,” he would declare. The war was on. What started as a conversation, turned into a power struggle. From Roger’s point of view, his very manhood was at stake.

However, as long as any of us hold onto our anger and continue fighting, there is no hope of working the problems through, or even truly understanding what is really going on. Roger could not pause and realize that his former wife’s needs and feelings had nothing to do with him. He was determined to take whatever she said or did personally and keep feeling badly about himself. These are many consequences when we cling to anger and allow it to turn into our sense of who we are.

Beyond that, it’s impossible not to receive the fruits of what you have put forth. “As you sow, so shall you reap,” is an immutable law of living. Although we may justify all kinds of behavior it is absolutely inevitable that we will experience the consequences of our thoughts, actions and deeds. Depression arises, hopelessness and the inability to love again.

There are many steps involved in letting go of anger and stopping the fighting in our relationships. The very first step is to realize that anger is a toxin. It is not a source of strength or power, but can become an addiction, a substitute for true power and wisdom, something that hinders our well-being and stops our life from going forward.

Anger is ruthless in the course it takes, disrupting our body, mind and spirit. It hardens our hearts and causes misjudgment and confusion of all kinds.

There are definite steps we can take to undo anger, dissolve this toxin from our lives and be able to start really new. In order to begin a new chapter and to build a positive relationship both with ourselves and others, it is necessary to begin this process.

Here are a few steps one can take to begin. They are taken from The Anger Diet which offers one step a day for thirty days. These following guidelines are simple, but powerful.. Why not try them today and see.

Putting An End To The War

1)Stop Blaming – It is absolutely pointless for you to blame yourself or the other. Blame stops you from seeing the truth. While we are engaged in pointing a finger, and making the other feel guilty, we cannot see what is really going on. Blame is a way to keep the fight alive. TAKE A VACATION FROM BLAME FOR ONE DAY. Instead of thinking of all the ways the person has hurt you keep your eyes open to watch how you may be stoking the fires. Focus upon what the person has done for you, instead. See the affect in your own life.

2)Realize The Price You Are Paying For These Fights. Unless we truly realize the terribly toll fighting is taking on us, we will continue it automatically. In order to get off of this merry-go-round, we must honestly take note of the consequences each fight brings, what it is doing to our body, mind and spirit. Then ask do I truly want this? Haven’t I suffered enough? Why not stop it today?

3) Know There Is A Better Way - You have to become aware that there is a better way to be in a relationship, and that this better way is possible for you too. This is the time to expand your view. Define success as being happy and healthy and having what you truly want. Realize that there are tools and techniques you can learn fairly easily which will make a positive relationship also possible for you.

4)Build A Strong Sense of Self-Worth - Build a strong sense of self worth. The basis of all good relationships is a feeling of worthiness, a desire to honor, gift and pleasure yourself,and to do the same for the other. Choose this kind of relationship and let go of all that opposes it.

As we have the courage to let go of anger, not only does our health improve, but soon we notice many kinds of wonderful, new people and experiences entering our lives. We attract what we focus upon. When we focus upon well-being, forgiveness and love, that is what our lives will be like.

“One word frees us from all the weight and pain of life.

That word is love.”

Sophocles Cc/author/2005

About the Author:
Dr. Brenda Shoshanna
Melt away toxic feelings with The Anger Diet ,(30 Days To Stress Free Living.) http://www.theangerdiet.com. Dr Shoshanna, psychologist, speaker and relationship expert shows us how to give up one form of anger a day and replace it with a healthy, constructive antidote. Find out how anger works, the 24 forms of anger, what to do when you’re the subject of anger and much more. Dr. Shohsanna is author of many books, including Zen Miracles (Finding Peace In An Insane World), Wiley, Zen and the Art of Falling in Love (Simon and Schuster), Save Your Relationship (21 Laws of Successful Relationships), Living By Zen, (Timelesss Truths For Everyday Life) Her personal website is http://www.brendashoshanna.com, she can be reached at mailto:topspeaker@yahoo.com, .
Article Submitted On: September 06, 2005
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/

Relationship Advice: Follow Your Gut!

When people seek relationship advice from a trusted friend or family member, it is most likely a waste of time, says relationship author Justin Luyt.

"We ask for relationship advice often when we feel we do not have the answers to our relationship challenges," Luyt says. "We grasp for external wisdom, with the false belief that we do not know the answers, but if we are being authentic to ourselves, we have those answers."

Luyt recently published The Spirit of Romance, a book that offers readers practical relationship advice and uses interactive planning tools to not just change thoughts, but feelings and behavior, too. Using the term "Spirit", Luyt defines the inner source people must acknowledge before looking honestly inside themselves instead of seeking relationship advice from others.

"We know why we are where we are in the relationship," Luyt says, "but often avoid our own internal introspection. Spirit challenges us to grow and learn."

He insists that by strengthening relationship with Spirit, people can truly grow and move past the challenges at hand.

"When we ask for help from a friend, it is for an ear... not guidance," he summarizes.

Throughout his book, Luyt offers a look at self-reflective relationship advice, all based on Spirit, which allows people to see others in their true light, as people filled with desires, dreams and vulnerabilities.

Luyt writes people seek mutual personal and spiritual growth as the basis for any relationship. His ideas of Spirit inspire people too look within their core being to experience something they can understand and feel completely. This acceptance of Spirit negates the need for outside relationship advice when people can answer the crucial questions with knowledge from within.

When a relationship changes form or course, people have it within their Spirit to redirect their energies from sensitivity and vulnerability to spiritual strength. This strength gives people the ability to become their own relationship advisors because they have gained the insight necessary to overcome false doubts.

Luyt writes, "People are here to grow; and spiritual growth occurs in a space of love, not fear."

Through his public speaking and counseling work, the South African native has developed the Accelerated Romance Coaching Program, a one-of-a-kind mentoring and coaching system for singles and couples. Various Fortune 500 companies have used his trans-continental engagingly fresh, out-of-the-box and into- reality approach for group seminars, training and coaching.

His book, The Spirit of Romance, is available at: http://www.SpiritOfRomance.com

About the Author:
Justin Luyt has been doing Coaching and Consulting for over 12 years. He is the published author of "The Spirit of Romance" and facilitates numerous seminars. To contact him call 1-877-7ROMANCE and his book is available at: http://www.SpiritOfRomance.com . Contact him at http://www.SpiritOfRomance.com
Copyright © 2005 Justin C. Luyt

Learn To Listen - 3 Ways It Benefits Relationships

We always hear about communication being the key in a relationship. If we are always talking and not listening, then communication becomes meaningless.

It’s not easy to hear what someone else is saying, especially when our feelings, thoughts and opinions are different. Here are three reasons why learning to listen benefits our relationships.

Shows Respect – When having a discussion, listening to the other person shows that you respect what they are saying. Even if we disagree with what’s being said, we still need to respect their thoughts and feelings.

Helps Us To Understand – It’s difficult to understand what someone is trying to tell us if we aren’t listening. Listening helps to understand why someone is feeling a certain way. Once we understand, we can move forward with the situation and take the steps needed.

Helps To Be Approachable – In relationships, it’s important for someone to feel they can to talk to us about anything. Learning to listen can help others feel comfortable approaching us any time they need or want to discuss something. We are likely to have a more open and healthy relationship if we are approachable.

We want others to respect, understand and be approachable to us right? Work on learning to listen and watch your relationship grow in positive ways

About the Author:

Cori Sachais Swidorsky
Reside in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. Work at home mom/stay at home mom. Owner of the Informing Women Newsletter and website http://www.informingwomen.com Write an advice column for a community newsletter, have an inspirational piece being published in Chicken Soup For The Recovering Soul, and have articles published on many work at home, home based business, tips and hints, and parenting websites.