Top Ten List Of What To Do And What Not To Do In Relationships

Most of us who have been intimately involved with someone beyond the infatuation stage know that relationships are like a rollercoaster ride. When things are good, they are very, very good. When things are bad, they are very, very bad. As a relationship coach, I have developed Top 10 Lists---one for men and one for women on 10 things to do and not to do in relationships.

MEN

DO

1. Just listen to your partner without offering advice.
2. Trust and respect her.
3. Treat her as an equal partner in your relationship.
4. Stay and support her when she gets emotional. She is looking for understanding, not solutions.
5. Continue your courtship even after she’s committed to you. Continue to create romance in your relationship.
6. Do little things on a regular basis. A woman doesn’t care if you call her at work to say, “I love you” or if you buy a new TV for the living room. The small things are worth just as much as the big ones.
7. Honor any agreements you have made with her.
8. Encourage her goals and direction.
9. Find out what your partner would like to do and then do it with her.
10. Say, “I’m sorry” when you’ve done something you regret or that was hurtful to your partner, whether intentionally or unintentionally.

DON’T

1. Go to bed angry with your partner.
2. Try to offer advice or solutions when your partner just needs you to listen to her without comment.
3. Pretend to listen to her when you really aren’t.
4. Shut your partner out when you need to sort things out in your head. Just explain you need space, you aren’t angry with your partner and that you’ll be back.
5. Criticize your partner, especially her appearance.
6. Yell at your partner as if you were her father.
7. Take every word she says literally. Women, when upset, tend to speak in absolutes, such as “You NEVER listen to me;” when what she really means is that you aren’t listening to her at that time.
8. Allow jealousy to erode the trust, love and respect of your relationship.
9. Violate her privacy.
10. Forget special occasions.

Men and women have different communication styles, different needs and desires, and different relationship challenges. Learning these differences can assist us in strengthening the relationships we have now and in the future. John Gray began this revolutionary discovery in his book, Men are from Mars; Women are from Venus. The Women’s List follows:

WOMEN

DO

1. When you want more quality time with your man, make the time you do have as positive as possible.
2. Trust and respect him.
3. Stop nagging.
4. Allow your partner time away from you without giving him the third degree.
5. Appreciate the little things he does for you and tell him so.
6. Make love creatively and often. Don’t be afraid to initiate lovemaking.
7. Honor any agreements you have made with him.
8. Support his goals and direction.
9. Ask for what you want! (Believe it or not, no matter how much he loves you, he really can’t read your mind.)
10. Accept his “No” gracefully, trusting that he would if he could.

DON’T

1. Go to bed angry with your partner.
2. Insist he always share his feelings with you. Talking about feelings is more what women need.
3. Attempt to converse with your partner during a good movie or sporting event.
4. Continue to “give” in what you perceive is a lopsided relationship when you are at a point of resentment.
5. Criticize him or put him down, especially the things he does.
6. Scold your partner as if he were a child.
7. Use sex as a prize for good behavior or the withholding of sex as punishment for “bad” behavior.
8. Compare him to a fictional character in a book, movie or soap drama and find him lacking.
9. Violate his privacy.
10. Try to change him. Appreciate the man he is right now.

There is so much to learn about satisfying relationships that your parents never showed you. Please don’t become one of the statistics of divorce or perhaps worse, stay in a miserable relationship to honor your marriage vows while having so many regrets about your life as the time ticks away.

About the Author:
Kim Olver has a degree in counseling, is a certified and licensed counselor. She is a certified reality therapy instructor. Kim is an expert in relationship, parenting and personal empowerment, working with individuals who want to gain more effective control of their lives and relationships. www.therelationshipcenter.biz/FreeTeleclass.htm
Article Source: Free Articles Directory

Sacred Love - Some Advice to Those Seeking a New Relationship

A sacred relationship takes two. Sometimes one or both people, are just not ready. To move into a sacred relationship, the individual you choose must be ready. If they are desperate, they say, “Got to this” and “Got to that”, and they are not ready. If they are always saying, “You should be like this”, or “You should be like that” then they are not ready. If they are always saying, “I want and I need this from you”, then they are not ready. And finally, if your lover says, “I love you,” and waits for an answer, like “I love you too”, beware, that is just a “got to” in disguise. This includes their lifestyle. Many people are not healed from their ex so they will say to you, “He or she, hasn’t let go”, but that is the victim speaking. They haven’t let go. Your lover might say, “I maintain a relationship with my ex-partners and that is who I am”, then they are not ready for sacred love. You must be the focus, and ex lovers must get to know a new we. Relationship demands letting go of those things we are attached to and grabbing hold of our lover. Holding the past, and demanding that it comes into the future, sabotages love.

For the vast majority of people healing the past, turning up happy and ready for love is a slow and deliberate process. You need to be respectful that you are not demanding something from your lover, that they promise with all their heart to do, but just cannot.

If you are not discerning, then you may find yourself feeling betrayed. They may make promises to love you and be your sacred lover, but they are still fighting to heal the past. Then your heart will break over and over. That person who thinks they are healed, but has not healed, will be unable to meet you in love. They will accidentally betray you, because they simply cannot show up.

Here are 11 warnings. They are not meant to encourage judgment, moreover, they are meant to help you to respect where people are at. The last person to know where they are at is the person them self, because their lust, emotion, and need to be rescued from their hell will make you the idol they will worship. They will be so attached, yet, complain and struggle, often blaming you for all their problems, when really it was their reality before you met.

In my retreats, this is what I am emphasising. Be the person you want them to be. Heal the past, get over it, plan the future, forget it. Turning up, that is the art of love.

One can become obsessed with the future, looking at how to make their love last forever or a person can spend all day everyday, trying to get the past in order when, really, life is so transient, it would seem that this could be the least of our problems. Maybe we are better to concern ourselves with how we are experiencing the limitless beauty of this now, real, everyday love.

The door of my heart is open

The door of my heart is open

open to the sky and to the earth

To the pain and to each new birth

The door of my heart is open

The door of my heart is open to you

You can come and you can go

The door of my heart is open

the holy path

And the door of my heart is open to you

My friend, my challenge, my wife

The door of my heart cannot be closed

by ego, or righteous ambition

The door of my heart is awakened to love

As nature

The door to my heart is open to you

The door of my heart is not shut by violence

Nor attached to being right

the door of my heart forgets the past

and knows I’ll always love you

to the depth of your soul

Some Advice about Sacred Love

Never go back

The word never is a very low consciousness term. So the heading of this advice is more provocative than it needs to be. However, it is sound advice. It would make breaking up so much easier, moving on so much clearer, and the healing process so much more thorough if we could all listen to this ancient advice. Never go back. Because everything looks good from a distance. But the issues that caused the break up will still be there, the person who hurt you will hurt you again, and really, unless you are prepared to do honest healing, it advice is sound.

Then we can add unless. Unless you are prepared to really invest in healing. Healing in this case means. 1/ You acknowledge that it was your behavior alone that caused the breakup. 2/ That you do to others what your ex-partner did to you. 3/ That what you don’t appreciate you lose. 4/ That nobody does to you more than you do to yourself. 5/ That love is not a prison, and if you are filled with stress, feeling unromantic and distracted, someone else steps in to fill the void. 6/ That healing means unconditionally thanking your lover for the pain, the growth, and the love you now feel for them.

Self Respect

Self- respect is an essential ingredient if you are to give love to yourself, and most importantly, to others. You cannot give what you haven’t got. True Love begins and ends with true love for yourself. Therefore, you must know yourself, learn to think for yourself, look after yourself, wait on yourself, and to act on your own intuitions. This is a crucial part of the development of self-respect. Self-respect is the stepping stone to self love. This is not an isolation or withdrawal, but the ability to trust your own convictions amongst the questions and turbulence of life. A flexibility must arise in you where there is no need to go into defense.

To achieve this you’ll need to rise above your Ego, and the most accurate measure of that aim is to arrange your life so that mental disturbance does not become a hindrance. Adhere to the laws of balance in all your mental activity. Expectations are the egos hands and the cause of all disturbances. Expectations breed suffering. If you can be a person whose expectations become the most flexible part of their world, then you can live in the highest order.

Beware of promises

When you fall in love, it does not mean, automatic relationship. It often means, you fell in love. As Einstein said, “Sometimes a cigar, is just a cigar” It is vital to consider whether your lover is really ready for loving relationship. Remember, the key here is “stress and love don’t mix”. If you meet someone who is under stress from work, ex relationship, health or their children, then they are still worthy of love, but definitely not ready for any form of sacred relationship. If they are workaholic, or alcoholic, please be careful of the tendency to say, “I see their potential”. Really, it is not you who must see the potential, they must, and demonstrate it by actually manifesting what they talk about. Do not build a sacred relationship on promises.

Beware of the past

Of all the warning signs of an inappropriate relationship, the past is the greatest problem and the biggest issue. If your lover is still fighting or coming to arrangements with their ex, still sorting it out with their parents, then be respectful and be a friend. However, a real and sacred relationship under these circumstances is impossible. This includes unresolved arrangements with children, influential relationships with parents and business issues.

Beware of children

Moving into a relationship with a person who has the full time care responsibility of a young child is a major commitment, with many issues of its own. These issues are often magnified by the essential ongoing dynamic between your partner and the other parent of the children. Your presence may really upset that dynamic, and if things are not clear, cause major emotional disruption. Many single parents obsess with their children as a way of dealing with the broken relationship, their guilt at broken family, and therefore, over compensate. In many cases, there is really no room in this dynamic for a lover to enter on anything other than a part time basis.

Beware of becoming the problem solver

Sometimes relationships are convenient. That person has some major problems in their life, and you might be the perfect solution. They might be depressed, confused, insecure, lonely, and you are the solution. If a person is not a happy content individual when you meet them, there is little chance the happiness they feel when they suddenly fall in love with you is going to last.

Beware of Sex

If there is one issue that blinds people to the point of insanity, it is sex. So many people spend much of their spare time obsessing with how wonderful their sex life is, that they make crazy choices just because their partner knows how to pleasure a lover. The probability is that a person who is a good pleasure giver is not a good pleasure receiver. Hence a control addict.

Beware of Half people

With the advent of the “new age” there are many men and women who have learned to talk the talk as a means of seduction. They talk the language of spirituality or self-awareness because they spent two days in a workshop with Deepak Chopra. But this talk takes time to become walk. Beware of the individual who wears the “I’m evolved” mask. It is always covering the slippery fish that existed before that weekend.

Beware of change

In my early years doing self help programs I attended many workshops and yoga retreats. People would go through some process and after half a day, be “transformed” from white guilt ridden catholic victim, to dark skinned Indian, incense burning yogi. The identities are easy to put on. Spend 6 months learning to put your leg behind your head and people start to think you are a saint. Beware of the fast change syndrome. Give change at least 12 months before really believing it.

Beware of health camps

I ran programs at an Australian health camp in Currumbin, northern NSW, Australia. In an idyllic setting, people would come and be fed well, exercise well and do these self exploration exercises like jumping off poles and flying on ropes. They would also attend daily workshops where their personal issues were processed. When I observed those programs I noticed that truth was forbidden. Any client who did not hear what they wanted to hear, complained that they were not relaxing, so the programs and self help process were all angled to “blame the non attending partner”.

The programs blamed anything and anyone who was not in attendance, so the healing was all temporary. This was a sad commercial responsibility of the Camp. I attended this resort when it first opened 20 odd years ago, before they really needed large numbers of visitors, and the process then was really honest. But commercial responsibilities eventually over took the program. My work was completely out of character, and we agreed that I should run my programs elsewhere.

Beware of self help gurus

Over the past 25 years I have built a major yoga centre, hosted large yoga conferences, run over 300 retreats, and taught thousands of classes. Beware of teachers. Beware of teachers. Beware of teachers. Be discerning. It doesn’t matter if someone has a yoga certificate or like me, wrote a book or two - never put people on pedestals. I can honestly say, I have rarely seen a more competitive, sexually motivated and emotionally dysfunctional group of individuals than those who claim to be western teachers of eastern arts.

The industry is not regulated. the qualifications and training are spurious, and the teachers themselves are usually deeply in their own emotional drama, often using the teaching of others as a process of denial. It is amazing to see Yoga teacher training programs that last anywhere from 2 days to 2 months offering certifications. And what is worse, if you knew the reason most of those students were undertaking the training, you’d cry.

Beware the two faces

Do you think you can be a loving individual to one person and a hating person to another? I don’t. I think we can act loving and be hating. Or act hating and be loving. But that person who is hating one person and loving another lacks authenticity. If a business person can be corrupt, violent, or indecisive at work, then this is what they can be at home. The consciousness of an individual may fluctuate depending on their mood, but eventually what a person is like at work, comes home and visa versa.

About the Author:
Chris Walker is a world leading change agent, an environmentalist and author of more than 20 books. Born and bred in Australia, he consults to people and organisations throughout the world on improved relationships, health and lifestyle through the application of the Universal laws of Nature. The result he offers is that we stay balanced, share loving relationships, work with passion, enjoy success, and live our personal truth. To learn more about Chris’s work and journeys to Nepal, visit http://www.chriswalker.com.au
Article Submitted On: October 26, 2006
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/

A Love Spell Could Put Some Magic In Your Love Life

Have you ever had a secret love and wished that person would notice you and be attracted to you? Have you longed to develop a loving relationship with someone special, but found that your best efforts don't seem to be good enough? Have you desired a stronger and deeper relationship with your lover or special friend, but come to accept that they just don't want it as badly as you do.

Wouldn't it be nice if there was something you could do to open your lover's eyes so they were as eager as you to enter into the deeper love relationship you desire?

Many people have found exactly this kind of magic in Wiccan love spells.

Love spells are used to enhance and nourish almost any relationship or love need whether you wish to be reunited with your love, encourage your lover to make a deeper commitment, have a more passionate sex life, or even find your true love.

**What are Wiccan Love Spells?

Love spells have become a very popular form of magic (magick). Wiccan white magick spells rely on the positive energy located in all people and all things. Wiccan love spells are effective because they are designed to intensify and amplify the positive energy that is already present in a situation. They do not attempt to manufacture energy that is not already there.

There is a very broad range of love spells, each of which focuses on a slightly different objective. For instance there are love spells for reuniting with a previous love, and others for finding your true love. There are love spells to increase the passion in your love live, and others to encourage your lover to become more committed to your relationship. There are even sex and fertility spells to help in those areas.

In other words, different love spells can be used to amplify or positively influence any aspect of your love relationship.

**Is Casting a Spell an Attempt to Manipulate Others?

Love spells, as well as other Wiccan white magick spells, work with the positive energy that is in all things and all people. That means the practice of spell casting respects the free will of the people towards which the spells are directed.

While it is true that there are black magick forms of Wicca, white magick Wiccan love spells can be just as effective when cast correctly and in the right spirit. A responsible Wiccan spell caster will use spells that are worded to not be manipulative or violate free will.

For example, a reunited lovers’ spell can be worded to enhance, and bring to the surface feelings that already exist for you until your lover thinks of you so much they can’t wait to have you back.

In this way the spell is not creating new feelings, nor is it making your lover bind to you outside of his or her free will. This is not only respectful of the free will of your lover, but it is also a fullfilment of your deepest desire. You want your lover to desire you from his or her own free will, not because they have been manipulated to do so, or because they have been put in a kind of trance over which they have no control.

**Who Can Cast a Wiccan Love Spell?

An experienced Wiccan spell caster is the best person to cast a love spell for you. For instance, at http://practikalmagik.com Orion has been casting spells for more than 25 years, and knows all the factors that go into casting an effective spell. The most important of these is the wording of the spell itself, but the date and time of the spell casting is also important. As Orion says, "experience has taught me that casting on the best date in the lunar month yields far greater results than if cast immediately regardless of the lunar cycle."

On the other hand, if you prefer to cast the spell yourself, that is possible too. But obviously if you are inexperienced you will need some guidance. Orion's "Love Spell Kit" will give you "the finest, most potent and powerful wicca love spell, herbs, crystals and candles. You will receive easy step-by-step instructions and the exact same tools used in our own personal love spell casting."

Love spells can be an effective tool for enriching your love life. But be sure to remember the adage, "Be careful what you ask for, because you just might get it." Think carefully of the type of love spell you want to cast, the possible results and what you hope to receive from the spell. You will find that love spells, as with any magick, can help turn your desires and wishes into realities in your life.

Visit Orion Tigerhawke's website for more information about Wiccan Love Spells. Orion guarantees you will get results or she will recast your spell until you do.

About the Author:
Visit Orion Tigerhawke's website for more information about Wiccan Love Spells. Orion guarantees results or she will recast your spell until you do. Also see Orion's "Love Spell Kit"
Article Source: Free Articles Directory

Kiss Goodnight

Perhaps you prefer the morning kiss before breakfast or the evening kiss as you enter home exhausted from yet another day of managing to do almost all you had set before falling asleep the day before. Regardless of which type of kiss you prefer, experts agree that kissing is a great stimulant not only for the body but also for your brain.

How about mentioning some facts? First of all kissing is a great cardiovascular activity apart from an excellent process to decrease high blood pressure and lower cholesterol. Due to the extra saliva production that a kiss initiates, kissing is a perfect prevention mechanism against cavities and plaque, while it also prevents gingivitis due to the calcium that saliva contains. Thus, if you want to keep your smile looking just perfect, do not forget to kiss often. Moreover, since saliva contains bacteria, which are 20 percent unique to each individual, kissing is a method of vaccination from new germs. As your immune system creates certain anti-bodies to these new bacteria you receive from your partner-also known as cross-immunotherapy-your organism is able to vaccinate itself against the germs that enter your mouth while kissing.

For those of you that watch your diet, keep in mind that a kiss burns in average 12 calories per five-seconds and that three passionate kisses a day can help you get rid of a whole pound in a month! In addition, since kissing puts to work over 30 muscles of your face, your skin becomes smoother and due to the increase in blood circulation its tone and color become more even and you look healthy and beautiful.

Before getting your partners lips close to yours, have you ever thought why you are kissing that specific individual? Well, we know you love him or her, but did you know that a part of the kissing process actually helps your brain perform some chemical analysis of your partner's saliva and "decides" on your genetic compatibility? Researchers after examining a number of cases have concluded that a kiss can be actually apart from fun the "verdict" of your brain to your choice of a partner. Isn't that a sweet deal?

Your remember of course phrases like "kiss and make-up" or "kiss and make it all better" and sometimes you probably have even laughed at the idea that a kiss can make your relationship better or let a problem vanish to thin air. Well, although it is difficult to believe this is true, kissing helps your body produce the "happy" kind hormones-called endorphins-which are actually your natural body's tranquilizers and help you regain control over a stressful situation.

Whether you kiss your partner upon remembering your favorite movie scene, or just because you want to make your hiccups stop, kissing is always a good excuse to come closer with that special one and remember all the things that make you happy when you are together. Our advice is that every hour of every day is a good excuse to kiss and feel happy and alive! Many believe that kissing most of the times can be so much more than words. Kiss and let your actions speak louder than your loving voice!

About the Author:
Kadence Buchanan writes articles on many topics including Relationships, Alternative Health, and Weight Loss
Article Source: NewFREEArticles.com