Infidelity Discovered? 10 Ways to Calm Your Powerful Feelings

When you find out about the affair, the first few hours, days and weeks can be emotionally wrenching to say the least. Or, if someone you deeply care about begins "pulling away" you may also experience intense feelings. Read through this list and pick out a couple things you can do to help yourself during these times.

1. Walk. Run, if you are fit enough to run. Work out. Get the blood flowing. Physical exercise drains off the adrenaline and physically you feel better. You also think better of yourself because you are caring for you.

2. Talk. If you typically handle problems by talking them out, find someone who will listen as you pour out your heart. Give them explicit instructions: "I need to talk, vent, cry, rage, and question. Just look me in the eye, nod your head and listen."

3. Write. Get a kitchen timer. Set it for 5 minutes. Spend that time writing...anything, everything that comes to your mind. Don't censor. When the bell goes off say to yourself, "OK, there it is. Now I need to get on to other things. I will come back later and write more." Put the writing in a safe place or destroy it.

4. Find a safe place and spend some time there. Do you have a favorite lake, wooded area, park, room, chair where you feel safe and can "get away." Intentionally spend some time there.

5. Use good "self talk." Tell yourself, "You are ok. You will be ok. This too shall pass. What you are feeling is normal and will not destroy you." Develop that "observing part" that can speak to your turmoil.

6. Pray. Meditate. Use your spiritual resources, if you have them. If you don't have them, it can be a good time to develop them. Spirituality often affirms your worth and enables you to see the larger picture.

7. Be aware. Notice what you are thinking, how you are feeling and what you are doing. Pay close attention to these chunks of your life. Just noticing often creates distance from the emotional pain.

8. Encourage the rhythm of your feelings. Your feelings will come and go, often as in waves. There will be lulls and sometimes they crash. Notice the intensity and frequency of the waves.

9. Get professional help. Supportive therapy might be helpful. Personal and professional coaching, often via telephone, is a helpful phenomenon that is increasingly popular as a way to find support and direction for specific problems.

10. Gather resources. Start reading, exploring the internet and talking to people about your situation. Believe me, you are not alone. Many people have walked your path (well, not exactly your path, but close) and are there to offer their understanding and point out the bends and turns of your road.

About The Author:
Dr. Robert Huizenga, The Infidelity Coach, has helped hundreds of couples over the past two decades heal from the agony of extramarital affairs and survive infidelity. Visit his website at: http://www.break-free-from-the-affair.com.
This article was posted on September 19, 2005
Article Source: Free Internet Articles

Relationship Issues

Human beings are complex creatures with many hopes, desires and lots of problems. These problems seem to increase when two completely different people with their own ideas and desires decide to become a couple. Then these problems become relationship issues.

Relationship issues are common occurrences in any relationship. However when there does not seem to be a common ground that these differences can be worked out in then a strain begins to appear in the relationship. For many couples who have relationship issues that they can’t resolve, they will seek professional help in order that their relationship can become stronger and these relationship issues can be brought into perspective.

However there is no guarantee that even a professional will be able to provide help to resolve the relationship issues. There is also no sure fire guarantee that the relationship will move back into the same mold that it was in to start with. The reason for this is the human factor.

As people are complex beings they are constantly changing and evolving. As this change happens it takes us farther away from who we used to be and the way that we see and thought about the world around us.

The problems that start the relationship to become strained are sometimes very small and in the normal course of life we wouldn’t even take any notice of them. However when we become a couple, our sense of everything and our problems changes. In many cases there is a limit to what we will not notice or disregard.

For these relationship issues to become resolved what really needs to be done is that we step away from the problem and look at it from the perspective of an outsider. When we do this we begin to see both sides of the problem and we know what must be done in order to resolve the relationship issues.

The main thing that needs to be remembered is that what you do to resolve your relationship issues will change the very nature of your relationship and sometimes this change is not for the better. However if we want to have some peace in our relationship then it is imperative that we find some way of solving these problems. Otherwise these relationship issues will tear our lives apart.

Relationship issues are part of what it is to be a human being. Without these issues there is no way that we can evolve and become better than we are at our present moment in time. While it may hurt when a relationship ends it is better for the break to be clean than for the relationship to linger on and fester because our relationship issues are not solvable.

About the Author:
Krishan Bakhru
Free Ebooks Resell Right Ebooks and Heartburn
Article Submitted On: April 27, 2007
Article Source: ArticlesFactory.com

SacredLove - The Four Attitudes that Build Relationships that Last Forever

The Loving attitude means there is happiness everywhere. There is order in chaos, so even a bad situation is good. This order turns both the unacceptable and the acceptable into beauty. Then there is simply love everywhere. You are guided to love by the ability to see both the bad side and the good side of everything. Your attitude is not dependent on something happening, or people living up or down to your expectations; no matter what happens, your love is there. You now have the ultimate power; there is no need to react, or to run away from situations. To love means to hold deep happiness within, no matter what transpires. It is a loving intent to see that all your disturbances or blockage in love come from you, not from the way the world is.

Happiness comes from the ability to see beauty, and this creates peace of mind. Peace of mind breeds an inner smile, a stillness. In turn stillness breeds contentment, and contentment means we don’t want to change anything. So if we can quickly change our perception from an emotional viewpoint of acceptable and unacceptable and start seeing balance, we will soon notice that all is perfect as it is. This is contentment, stillness, an inner smile, peace of mind, and all leads to a deep inner happiness. Who would not want to live with a person who has that attitude to life?

Happiness is where the spiritual person comes from. They come from happiness, because they see beauty, they feel content, and they do not want to change anything because they have peace of mind. Love can only flow from a mind that is at peace with itself. This does not mean the mind has stopped thinking; it has simply come to rest. It is working intensely, focused, but is not stressed, worried. This happiness grows when these four key attitudes are held as fundamental principles of your life:

1/ Kindness, because it places the heart and mind of others higher than your own.

2/ Gentleness, because it raises the energy of the moment, and allows hearts to open.

3/ Care, because this is the gratitude that brings us present in the moment.

4/ Contentment, because it is without struggle, there no trying, just a simple exchange.

The real question in all of this is, “Where do you come from?” If you are always thinking, “How do I get more money, how do I get more wealth, how can I pay my rent?” then you will live a very emotional lifestyle. No matter how much yoga or meditation you do, if you are asking, “How do I get more” of anything, you are being emotionally motivated. Questions like “How do I get more love?” “How do I get more income?” “How do I get more sex?” “How do I get more people to my yoga class?” “How do I get more happiness for my friends?” “How do I get more peace on earth?” are the questions of the materialist mind. No matter what your idea is about the value of what you are doing, wanting more of anything always leads to a form of duality, uppers and downers, unhappiness in you and those people you love. There can be no peace in that heart, because it is wanting, wanting, wanting.

If you come from a loving perspective you come from Loving Kindness. You do not want anything. Your heart is filled with Loving Kindness, therefore, you are already complete. If someone is hurt by you actions, but you are coming from loving kindness, then that hurt is their journey. It is the way your actions are received that caused the hurt, not your intention. This is very important to understand. By holding loving kindness and your intent, whether at work or at home, you treat everyone with the same attitude. Then, if a person is hurt, it is not by your doing, but by their receiving. And nature has a plan for them too.

You can have it all. You can build a life of great material success as well as a sacred loving relationship. And with an attitude of loving kindness, also find inner happiness. The key is the ability to know yourself, your energy, and your ego, and understand the difference between these aspects and true love. In the extreme, this is called healing, and in the everyday life it is called pure intent, the intent of loving kindness.

About the Author:
Christopher Walker
Chris Walker is a world leading change agent, an environmentalist and author of more than 20 books. Born and bred in Australia, he consults to people and organisations throughout the world on improved relationships, health and lifestyle through the application of the Universal laws of Nature. The result he offers is that we stay balanced, share loving relationships, work with passion, enjoy success, and live our personal truth. To learn more about Chris’s work and journeys to Nepal, visit http://www.chriswalker.com.au
Article Submitted On: October 25, 2006
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/

Sacred Love - The Art of Building a Long Lasting, Loving Relationship Sacred

When I was first married, I thought there was only one person I could be in love with. So, that became my wife. There were people that I loved, but there was only my wife to be in love with. I didn’t really think about love as something I could do at work, or at sport. I said, “Love is for my wife, and everything else is something else”. It’s like putting on a straight jacket. It’s inhuman because anything we do in life without love is competitive and dry. So in my business, I was not interested in loving what I was doing, I was dry and tough, which made my leadership very aggressive. When my divorce came, I realised that I had been inhuman to myself. I needed to actually be in love with my world, and with what I did, in order to be in love with a partner. Then my relationships were not little love moments in an otherwise hard working life, my relationships were a magnificent extension of what I already had.

Sacred Love is a high and conscious alter on which you place the ritual of bond. It is sacred because there is nothing that can be allowed to intrude on it, a reverence, a devotion. It is a place from which the rest of life, including your work and play, can be undertaken, yet, left undisturbed. It is a matter of priority, finding what is the most important thing in your life. It is a choice. The only thing that can come between you and your honeymoon love, are the choices you make. This chapter is about those choices.

Love is never fixed in a relationship, but always sits as the pillar of strength to bind it. Love is the solution to challenges. Love resolves emotional and personal issues that come to the surface in relationships. Love turns boredom into joy, criticism into laughter, heartbreak into a bond of mateship. Love is more than fun. Love is more than all the pleasures your flesh can imagine. Staying in love is a journey, not a destination. Staying in love is the most beautiful gift of life.

To stay in love, to keep from blocking your love, you must stay humble. If you don’t want to be humble, stay single. Humility is at the heart of love. Sacred love cannot be a competition to see who knows more, does more, or who lives up to some moralistic ideal. A relationship without passion and friendship is really painful - two ungrateful people, self-indulging their ego, rejecting each other, unable to face reality, blaming each other. That is hell. In your love life, you may be the greatest CEO on the planet, but in your relationship you are nothing. Dust, sand, blood and bone. There’s nowhere to hide unless you find a relationship where substitutes are the primary source of adrenalin.

About the Author:
Chris Walker is a world leading change agent, an environmentalist and author of more than 20 books. Born and bred in Australia, he consults to people and organisations throughout the world on improved relationships, health and lifestyle through the application of the Universal laws of Nature. The result he offers is that we stay balanced, share loving relationships, work with passion, enjoy success, and live our personal truth. To learn more about Chris’s work and journeys to Nepal, visit http://www.chriswalker.com.au
Article Submitted On: October 25, 2006
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/

Should You Get Revenge On An Ex-Girlfriend?

Falling in love and entering with someone in a relationship is a really nice experience. But in a relationship, it is not always a happy ending. And you may have experienced being ditched by your man for somebody else or for any other reason. After your breakup, you might have thought of hatching ex girlfriend revenge plots to him. You are heart-broken and it is just natural that you feel rage after. But being a revenge ex girlfriend is not necessary the best thing to be.

If you are going through a breakup, you should keep in mind that being revenge ex girlfriend will never do any good to you or to your ex partner who have hurt you so bad. You may think that it is your only outlet to get over him but actually it is not. The more you hate the person, the more you are prolonging your agony. Ex girlfriend revenge can only cause you more hurt and could even ruin your life. When you are angry, there is always a tendency for you to hurt others and think of ex girlfriend revenge. And you might just regret doing it in the end. In order to avoid being a revenge ex girlfriend, there are things which you should bear in mind and actions that you have to take.

Move on and get on with your life. Instead of nurturing the hurt that you feel, you should look at the brighter side of life and move on. If you prefer to be a revenge ex girlfriend, your life will be stuck in that anger forever and you will make your life more miserable. Dwelling on that revenge can only stir up the ashes of your own hurt and resentment. Bear in mind that you are causing more harm to yourself than the other person. Ex girlfriend revenge will never share the pain, but it will just increase it. Always consider that poorly conceived ex girlfriend revenge plots might wind up making you look bad, thus it makes you feel worse. If you think of ex girlfriend revenge as getting even, well think again. Why should you want to get even with a loser in the first place?

Forgive and forget. In order to completely move on, you must learn to forgive your ex boyfriend and you should start to forget what happened. Ex girlfriend revenge will keep you from forgiving and forgetting. If you keep on hating and despising that person, there will never be a room for forgiveness. Instead of entertaining ex girlfriend revenge on your thoughts, you should erase past hurt from your system so it won’t be hard for you to forgive, let go, and move on. You should also let go of those grudges and resentments to completely make your life free from misery. Ex girlfriend revenge is one thing that can never make you happier and more of a person. You should really try to invoke forgiveness.

There is nothing wrong in loving. They even say that it is better to love and lost than to never love at all. But always remember that if ever a worst breakup comes in your way, never resort to ex girlfriend revenge. Revenge ex girlfriend can never be the sweetest thing you know. The more you hate, the more you add to your misery. So instead of thinking of an ex girlfriend revenge, why don’t you just let go, forgive, forget, and move on. Remember that when a door closes, a window opens.

About the Author:
My Relationship Tips is your one stop for relationship advice.
Article Source: Free Articles Directory