Moving Past An Affair

Affairs are something that many people always believe will not happen to them, but they happen to a lot of people that most of us think seem very happy. No marriage, no person, and no set of people are immune from extramarital affairs. Unfortunately, many people give up on the relationship once an affair has occurred. Getting past an affair is difficult, but it is not impossible. If both people are dedicated to overcoming an affair, the marriage can go on to be quite solid and free of future affairs.

Communication
Moving past an affair is often about good communication. Both people must be able to tell the other how they feel, what they were feeling during the affair, when the affair had ended, and how they are feeling presently. If both people are not willing to discuss their feelings, even the very private feelings they may be hesitant to share, the relationship will likely fail. An affair does not have to be the end of the world, but if two people cannot communicate it’ll never get better. In fact, it may actually deteriorate even more.

Getting Help
Most couples that successfully move past an affair seek some professional help from a counselor, psychologist, or even their priest or pastor. A third party can help to provide unbiased insight to both parties so that they can better their relationships. Affairs don’t usually happen to those that are completely fulfilled, and a counselor can often help people understand why the affair happened this time so that it doesn’t happen again. A counselor often acts as a buffer between the couple until tensions have cooled and they can talk about things reasonably and without a lot of emotion.

Feeling Through It
An affair can’t be exposed and then forgotten, it must be dealt with. Some people can get over the fact that their loved one has had an affair in a few months, while others take years and years to get over it. The fact of the matter is that the person that was cheated on will go through a whole host of emotions and it is a process that has to be embraced. This doesn’t mean that the person that cheated should be abused, but they should expect some hurt feelings on the part of the person that was cheated on as well as some anger and distrust.

Letting Go
While the person that has been cheated on is entitled to be mad and hurt for a period of time, eventually the relationship has to begin to heal. There is no time period that can be put on this stage, but eventually one has to accept that it happened and be willing to move forward. Letting go doesn’t mean that you put blind trust in the one that had the affair again, but it means that you have hope for the future and hope that you have both learned from the affair and will do better with what you know now in the future.

Relationships are hard, and they take work. Affairs are devastating to all that are involved, but if you are willing to work really hard, you can get through them. It won’t be easy, and your relationship will be forever changed, but it can survive an affair.

About the Author:
Jenna Stevenson founded the sex toy forum The Latest Vibe and reviews sex toys at Batteries Not Included - Adult Toys
Submitted on 2006-07-14
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